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Three personal diary entries

I have written a lot of stuff in my personal diary, most of which are meant to express my desires or my most controversial thoughts. Today, I present three entries from the diary that I find most profound. I feel that these entries are certainly worth your time reading.

Most of my entries are just so lame and makes me sound like a crybaby who couldn't figure out his feelings. But not these three entries, they are personal, sure, but they also reveal some of what I originally had in mind for the blog - I guess you could say that these entries are the "prototypes" of my upcoming posts. Haha!

Anyway, that's enough from me. I will now let the diary speak.
See you in the next post!

~ Bal Masque ~

October 12, 2021:

    I would like to talk about antinatalism. Antinatalism, or anti-natalism, is an ethical view that negatively values reproduction. With the increase of the world population to about roughly 8 billion people, we need to remind ourselves of why we’re here. More importantly, we need to think about what it’s like to be the average person living in modern society because it can be very horrible. Now, allow me to talk about the selfishness of many mothers today.
    They simply have kids in order for them to grow up and later have their grownup children serve them during old age. Of course, I’m not talking about parents who truly love their children, because there’s nothing wrong with that. Selfishness aside, have we forgotten the hardships we’ve faced in our lives? Do we need an extra pair of glasses to see that one day; our kids may suffer the same, if not worse? I can’t tell which is worse - having kids for your own selfish reasons, or having kids for them to suffer in a world where the majority are poor and the minority are living like kings?
    Whatever it may be, it doesn’t make a difference. I simply brought up those points as they’re used by natalists, people who support the creation of offspring which directly support the cycle of life and suffering. And how many years have passed since the first generation of humans walked this Earth? Tens of thousands I bet, yet, I don’t see this cycle ever breaking apart. If an apocalyptic event such as the end of the world does not happen, the cycle of human life will resume for an infinite amount of times. Do we not know that a utopia could not exist? Humans are flawed, as such, the world they build will always be flawed.
    The purpose of hope is also flawed. Yes, hope has helped us through tough times, only for us to create lives to fill up the suffering. We keep our heads high every time hardship comes, only to then see another man suffer as he is born into this world, without his consent nor prior knowledge of humanity. Ever wonder if an unborn child gets a preview of the good and bad of life before they’re born, would they choose “yes” or “no”?

November 16, 2021:

    I probably should plan on going to an amusement park. I know visiting these kinds of places can be exciting, but I need some time to think. Thanksgiving Break lasts for a handful of days, so I’ll try and watch some films before my visit to the amusement park. My Mom wanted to go to a snow skiing park somewhere far away, but I told her I wasn’t coming so she canceled that plan last night. That’s fine for me, I wanted to visit an amusement park. You may be asking me why am I turning all my wheels towards amusement parks, the answer is, I don’t really know why.
    I think it’s strange for me to want to go to an amusement park. I thought I didn’t like going to these places anymore. I thought I was a mature man, who likes all the things adults like! I’m seventeen after all! But I was wrong. I now know what I really want, as I couldn’t shake off the desire to return to a familiar kind of place. It’s only in these places that I find the most peace and calm that the world could offer me. It’s only there that my mind speaks out loud: “This is your childhood - your truest dreams, the dreams that should never be forgotten!”
    I’ve been to amusement parks since the age of six, I remember all the fun I had in those places. I remember sitting in my old home about a decade ago, reading all the stories and watching the films where kids find magic in amusement parks. What am I expecting to find there now? Magic? An infinite funhouse? An endless parade of clowns and confetti with giant dancing cats? Impossible, said the adults. Well, they’re right about that. There is no place in this world that is like anything inside the mind of a child, and it can’t be helped. Maybe it’s just for the sake of nostalgia. To me, all the joys of the adult world are too bland compared to those of children.

December 16, 2021:

    It's that time of the year again, Christmas break. My school calls it "Winter" instead of "Christmas", a pretty lame change in my opinion. As with most Winter breaks, I usually use the 2 weeks off as a way to finish up my personal project, most of it was barely worked on due to school time (and homework) taking up all those hours. While I do entertain myself with movies and shows like most of the other kids, I also read and write. Now that I think about it; the fact that I also read in my free time is a big reason why I never get enough free time, especially when I also have some movies to watch as well. I guess the internet also counts, but that’s far from being related to my personal project.
    So what’s that personal project all about? I think you probably know the answer, if you paid attention to my previous diary entry. It’s related to the joys of childhood - of childlike innocence. Remember when I talked about amusement parks - when I talked about reading all the stories and watching the films where kids find magic in those places?
    “It’s only there that my mind speaks out loud: “This is your childhood - your truest dreams, the dreams that should never be forgotten!””
    A few days before writing that entry, I installed a screenwriting software and began writing a feature film about childhood nostalgia. This is why, in the last paragraph of the entry, I wrote: “There is no place in this world that is like anything inside the mind of a child, and it can’t be helped. Maybe it’s just for the sake of nostalgia. To me, all the joys of the adult world are too bland compared to those of children.”
    All the movies and books I’ve come across will surely be helpful for me to think of new ideas for my screenplay. That’s why I spend so much time researching filmmaking and storytelling techniques. Will my screenplay feature amusement parks? You bet. A teenage boy finds himself wandering into an old amusement park, as he couldn’t shake off the desire to return to a familiar kind of place. What would he find there? A person? An object? Something is hidden behind the curtains of everyday life. Some unfulfilled, childlike desire.

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